THE UNWANTED CHANGE

Before I begin with what I am about to write, I would like to apologize for not being able to update my blog for quite some time.  I went to a place wherein the modern world is not so much prioritized.  HAHA!  Silly as it may seem, but it is a fact.  Anyway, let us go back to the real deal which is my blog post for today.

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I have written a post a few weeks back that is somewhat the same to what I am about to write.  You may be wondering why I suddenly thought of making something similar, but if you haven't noticed, most of my blog posts are about the current situation I am facing and the emotions I feel that I cannot tell the people around me.

I believe that the people who read my blog are here for a certain topic, LOVE.  I guess falling in love is something inevitable.  Your emotions trigger your heart to feel things that you would rather not feel, ironic as it may seem.  When falling in love, you expect to get your heart broken along the process.  Even if you do not want to, you cannot help it.

A thing that remains questionable to me is how the feelings of others change all of a sudden?  They make you feel special then next thing you know, they are gone without any explanations.  All you can ever do after that heartbreaking scenario is cry yourself to sleep and ask yourself what you could possibly have done wrong.  After experiencing it, you become such a denial queen/king and make yourself believe that it will be better eventually even if you know it will never be.

Honestly, I do not understand how you can smile all day, but cry yourself to sleep.  How pictures you have taken months or years ago never change, but the people in them do.  How the forever you have always planned turn into a few short months that you would do almost anything just to get back.  How some things can hurt you even though you know for yourself that it is the best thing to do.  How the people who once spent their every second talking to you think that a few minutes of their time is too much to spare.  How people make promises despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken.  And the most important fact of all, how people can erase you from their lives just because it is easier than working things out.

These unwanted changes are some of the random things I think about everyday.  Deep inside me, I know it will hurt even more if I comprehend these things.  But then I realize, the more I think and get hurt, the more I grasp the fact that some things did not work out because better things await me.  Maybe not now, but soon it will come my way.

MISSING YOU

"I miss something I never even had."

- Lauren DeStefano, Sever

It is funny how things change all of a sudden without warnings.  I wish love is somewhat like Facebook.  You receive requests from people who attempt to enter your life and notifications to be warned of what's going to happen afterwards. Unfortunately, love is something that comes unexpectedly.  Someone comes along, makes you feel special and eventually, breaks your heart.  But the sad truth when it comes to loving someone is the fact that no matter how much someone has hurt you, you still miss every bit of them because they have played a significant role in your life.

I have loved just like most of you.  People who know me might say I am too young to say this, but the truth is I was and still am in love.  Sadly, the feelings I have cannot be reciprocated anymore because of some circumstances that remain unknown to me.  He said he loves me back, but the feelings cannot stay for long.  Next thing I know, without any explanations, he left.  Can you blame me if I cried, if I was devastated?  Was it wrong to expect something from him after all the I love you's he uttered?

The only thing that makes me hate myself is the fact that I am still missing him despite the tears that I cried and the feelings that were wasted.  I wish we could go back and be those people who are always laughing together and having a good time. But now is different and I know that no matter how many times I wish for that to come true, it would never happen.  As much as I am in love, it will never be enough.

FOOLISH HEART

"If you love two people at the same time, choose the second.  Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second."

- Johnny Depp

Have you ever found yourself falling for someone when you are already in a committed relationship?  Have you ever been in love with two people at the same time?

Falling in love has never been easy.  Let us admit it, we fall in love with different people in different ways.  And at times, you end up falling for two different people at the same time without you noticing it.  Then you ask yourself, is it possible to fall in love with two different people at the same time?  The answer is YES.  Our heart beats in ways that we cannot even figure out ourselves.  So, do not get shocked when you find yourself thinking about two people because you feel the same way towards them.  

Let me share to you a story that has happened to a friend recently.

My friend has been in a relationship for two years.  During the entire duration of the relationship, she has always been the one who seems to exert much effort in order for it to work.  We always tell her to just give up and find someone else because the guy prioritizes other things more than her, but she keeps on telling us that a part of loving is hurting and no matter how much she cries every night because of the broken promises that her boyfriend makes, she will stay.

One night, while I was doing my assignments, she called me and it was the first time I heard her happy again after two years.  I thought, maybe her boyfriend realized how lucky he is for having my friend.  I was wrong.  She called because she met someone new.  The call lasted for an hour.  She told me everything.  How she met the guy, how they kept the constant communication, how sweet the other guy was every time they talked and lastly, how she fell in love with another.

Because of her, I figured out that a person can really fall for someone else even if he/she already has a significant other.  In her case, the other guy made her realize that love is a two-way process.  Although I am happy for her, I could not help but think of her boyfriend.  What if he finds out?  What will he feel?  Yes, he may not have given her much importance and ignored her for the longest time, but isn't he still a part of her life?  Doesn't he deserve to know?

One thing is for sure, you are the master of your own life.  Follow your heart and do what it tells you.  And remember, you cannot have two people in your life forever.  The time will come wherein you have to choose.  Will it be number 1 or number 2?

TIME FLIES, FEELINGS CHANGE

"People change. Feelings change. It doesn't mean that the love once shared wasn't true and real. It simply just means that sometimes when people grow, they grow apart."

- 500 Days of Summer

Love is something that is meant to be taken seriously.  Problem is, nowadays, saying I love you to someone is as easy as counting 1, 2, 3.  What most people do not realize is that once you say those three words to someone, you make a decision to make that other person assume that he/she is really special to you.  Although some people mean what they say, time flies and feelings change.

Spur of the moment?  It is doing or saying something on impulse or without premeditation.  There are specific moments in our lives wherein the scenario we are in makes us go with the flow.  We do not consider other things that are outside the picture, but we are only focusing on the things that are happening as of the moment.  So, what is the connection of my last statement to spur of the moment?  Let's just say that when we are to overwhelmed with a situation, we tend to do or say things without thinking.  Still confused?  Here is an example:

A girl and a guy just met.  They talked and talked that night to get to know each other even more.  What they do not realize is as they talk, they only think of who the other person is to them and what they feel towards each other.  Because they are too engrossed with the current scenario, they begin to think that they are in love with each other and the other factors do not really matter anymore.  As the days pass by, the burning sensation of this new feeling stays within.  But as time flies, the feelings slowly change into something not so desirable.

It is unknown how our feelings change for people.  It is most likely because there is nothing interesting in the relationship that makes you want to stay.  We cannot control our feelings because it is something that pops out of the blue and makes us go crazy.  The only thing that we can do is to be honest and accept the fact that our feelings have changed.  It will be hard to begin with, but it will be harder if you will prolong the feelings that were never meant for you.

SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION

First, you think the worst is a broken heart

Some relationships are not fortunate enough to achieve the forever they have always dreamed of.  There are a lot of reasons why relationships end, but whatever those are, it all creates a broken heart in the lives of the people who lost their significant other.  There are people who easily move on, but there are also some who cannot let go of the fact that they have just lost the battle that was once theirs to fight for.  Some cry until all the tears run dry, some drink beer until they forget the happy memories they once shared, some pretend to be happy until they also make their selves believe in the lies they have created.  But no matter what people do, the broken heart remains inside because we cannot deny the fact that love just played its major game on us.

What's gonna kill you is the second part

As the scar of the broken heart deepens, it will be harder to admit that your life is now different.  The usual long calls turn into not calling at all.  The lovely endearments turn into memories that was once yours to cherish.  Everything you thought would be permanent just turned into a dream that is now a part of your past.  And as you reminisce, the memories that made your life perfect during the relationship are the ones that slowly kills your heart.  As you lie down before the day ends, you ask yourself: What have I done wrong?

And the third, is when your world splits down the middle

We cannot deny the fact that when we love, our world revolves around that person.  You do everything together and talk everyday, but that was the PAST.  How do you cope with the broken heart?  How do you tell yourself to move on when everything you used to do, you do it for love?  And now, all you can do is cry because everything you thought was real is not.  But what we do not know is this: The depression caused by heartbreak creates a barrier that prevents us from feeling and experiencing life to its fullest.

And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself

Time heals all wounds.  After a certain period of time, we realize that the pain is slowly gone.  This is the time wherein we start to entertain new people into our lives.  The smiles that faded away during the heartbreak is now visible once again at this stage.  We also get to apprehend that the world can offer us something better and that we can be happy without the help of someone who does nothing, but hurt us.  At this point in time, it slowly becomes clear to us that the world does not revolve around love and we can focus on other things in order to make our lives successful.

Fifth, you see them out with someone else

Problem is, the broken heart comes rushing out again when we see them with someone else.  Although we have to accept the fact that the relationship is already history and you are no longer in a relationship, it kills to see him/her with someone knowing that you used to be the only one who made him/her smile and laugh.  But as time passes by, you realize that it would be best to shrug it off.  We can only wish them well and let them enjoy their lives.  We all deserve to be happy and if that is what makes him/her happy, let them be.

And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little

The best way to move on is to accept that you both made mistakes.  He may have done some things to hurt you, but have you thought about the fact that you may have hurt him at some point of the relationship too?  Forgive and forget.  It will surely be hard, but we also have to consider that not all love stories have a happy ending.

THE SECOND OPTION

Have you ever been someone's second choice?  The second option?  The second priority?  The feeling wherein he/she says that you are important or you mean a lot to them, but deep inside, you know that there is always someone they prefer to be with?  Been there, felt that.

Ever asked yourself this question: Why should I be the second option when you have always been my first?  Ohh, right!  Because I will never be enough.  There are these moments in our lives wherein we just feel like saying, "I am not a second option. You either choose me or you lose me!"  Funny thing is, we just can't.  Know why?  Because we know that they will never choose us and it will be too painful to lose that person even if they never made us the only one and the priority.

While it is true that nobody deserves to be the second option, we cannot avoid this certain kind of scenario.  It just so happens that the second option is needed because the first option was not working out.  HAHA!  You know what second options are like?  A piece of meat that is saved up for later when the first option is not available.  It hurts to get punched by the truth, right?  It hurts to feel so used and mistreated when all you ever do is put so much effort into the relationship, but it never seems enough that is why you just get left behind when the real priority comes along again.

By the end of the day, here's a thought:

"Never settle for being someone's other when you have the potential to be someone's only."

UNREQUITED LOVE

"Loving someone who does not love you is like reaching for a star. You know you'll never reach it, but you just got to keep trying."

- Anonymous

Doesn't it feel good to love and to be loved in return?  The feeling wherein you love someone and the feeling is reciprocated.  Question is, why are there some instances wherein a person loves another even if the obvious fact is the other person does not?

During my early years, I often wonder why some people choose to engage in this kind of situation and go to such trouble as to love another even if the feeling is not reciprocated.  Is it because it is too hard to resist someone who is just so dashing and seems to be glowing when the sun is up (Oh, I'm not talking about Edward Cullen here) or is it because there are fewer complications when you get involved in this kind of love?

For those people who does not know the concept of unrequited love, according to wikipedia.org, it is a love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such.  The beloved may or may not be aware of the admirer's deep and strong romantic affections.

I may have or may not have been in the same predicament as these people, but I can somehow summarize the whole cycle that they are in.  The other person will do all the loving, giving and caring, while the other did no loving, giving and caring at all, simply receiving.  It is not a good experience, but as most people say, every event/happening in your life has an equivalent lesson.

Everything happens for the best.  If the person you love now does not love you back, it does not mean that no person would.  Maybe, the timing is just wrong and the right person has yet to come.  Someday, someone would come along and love you as much as you do.  Be patient.  True love is something worth waiting for.

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: It's Complicated

"Love is the reflection of a broken heart in a shattered mirror."

- Anonymous

There are times in our lives wherein we perceive love negatively, but no matter how much we are in pain, we refuse to picture our lives without that one person who means the world to us.  Then again, there are those moments wherein we tend to just give up, lose hope and never look back because all that was left for us to look at are the painful memories of yesterday that we can never take back no matter what we do and no matter how much we try to.

I have been in love a couple of times already, but I am not quite sure if what I have felt for those boys who got away is really love.  Whenever I am asked to define love, I do not really know what to say.  And I think this is the part where being complicated when you are in love actually enters.  Maybe, just maybe, love is complicated because we cannot define it with a definite meaning.  For example: You love him, but you do not like his habits; You love him, but he gives you headaches; You love him, but he hurts you even if he does not want to.  Do you get what I am saying?  My main point here is for you, as long as you love him and the love is reciprocated that is all that matters even if your relationship is one hell of a roller coaster ride.

In my case, love has been one of my greatest achievements and downfalls.  When I am in love, I tend to just think of my partner's happiness and that is all I care about.  The wrong thing about that?  It is the fact that because I try my best to please my partner, I forget my very own happiness.  While it must be true that relationships bring you happiness, making yourself happy WHILE in the relationship is a completely different thing. You might not get my point right now, but when the time comes, you will eventually understand how I feel.

How funny love can make us happy, sad, cry and even laugh all at the same time.  Contrary to the previous paragraph I have written, in the end, though we know how love makes us crazy, we still choose to love because we know that the feeling of being complicatedly in love is still better than being single.  Yes, love is a tough terrain to hike on.  You will encounter endless dirt roads, but at the end of each day, you will still need somebody to lean on.